I can feel how much I grasp on to what I’ve imagined my life was supposed to be like. When the unexpected happens, when the expected doesn’t happen, I tend to grab hold of my idea of what I wanted. It’s very subtle. I barely know that I’ve been doing it, until I take the time to sit with myself and begin the gentle letting go.
Almost like undoing the hooks from a caught fish’s mouth, I find myself loosening the hook from my expectations to make way for what is actually waiting for me around the corner.
Sometimes, the hook has been there a long time and I don’t let go easily. The release feels painful. I want to quit; I want to go back to comfort. But the comfort isn’t there anymore. I’ve awakened to the awareness that I’m hooked into something that is no longer ‘right’ for me. And the longer I hold on, the more painful it will become. I do know this…I’ve experienced it before.
Will I rail against what is, continuing to want it to be different, magically? Or will I ‘bite the bullet’ and accept the relatively few moments of pain for the freedom that will likely come?